Sunday, October 5, 2014

Day 5- More Than Just Me: The Grandparents


The Grandparents.  Not only do they grieve for the loss of a grandson, they also grieve for the pain they see their children live with everyday.  When we found out that Holden had no heartbeat, we called family to let them know right away.  Of course, my mom came immediately as she has been by my side during the birth of all three of my earthly children.  She was also present when I had surgery after we found out we lost Ricky.  Of course I knew my mom would be there; there was never a doubt in my mind.  She has been my best friend for all 35 years of my life.  I could not imagine what I would do without her support.  I always know that she will be there for me no matter what.  She truly has given me the most amazing example of how to be a loving, compassionate person.  Everything I am, started with her.  I felt a deep pain in my chest when I saw my mom come into that room.  I flashed back to all the times that I was hurting or sad as a child and my mom always knew how to make it better.  I knew that my mom’s heart was breaking knowing that this time she could not make it better.  The mere sight of my mother unleashed my pain through a stream of tears.  I know that she was facing her worst nightmare.  On top of her own pain, she immediately went to work and started to make sure everyone was taken care of.  She put her needs aside just as she always has done and as she always will.  She is truly a beautiful person, inside and out. 

Shortly after, my amazing mother-in-law came to the hospital.  She has been through her own pain with the loss of Bill’s father and his step-dad, so I know it was hard for her to come.  When she walked into the room, her sadness was written all over her face.  My heart broke to see this.  I know she was thinking about the loss of her grandson but also for the pain her baby boy would experience for the rest of his life.  Bill is the baby of his family just as Holden would have been.  There is a special place in a Momma’s heart for the youngest, even though they will deny it adamantly.  Holden was to be my forever baby just as Bill is for his mom.  I found great comfort in seeing my loving mother-in-law sitting across the dimly lit room every time I awoke during those long hours.  I know her presence gave Bill some peace as it did for me.  When I was rushed to the operating room, I know that Mary and my mom were terrified.  What a great feeling knowing that they were able to comfort each other as they watched their children face the most difficult challenge of their lives. 

My father was devastated.  His little grandson was gone and I know he was hurting.  At first, he didn’t want to come to the hospital.  The pain was far too much for him to handle.  You see, many of you don’t know that my dad was diagnosed with early dementia shortly before we lost Ricky.  He is not the man he was 2.5 years ago and he knows this.  It breaks my heart to see this man who was invincible to me seem so defeated.  It is a hard situation for outsiders to understand.  My dad lives with this everyday and each day is different from the next.  My dad struggled after we lost Holden.  It was almost like a part of him was taken away and never put back.  My dad finally came to see Holden and the pain he exhibited shook me to my core.  My childhood hero, the man who always seemed so strong wept for my baby boy.  He wept for the lost memories he would have had with his little namesake.  You can never forget seeing that kind of pain. 

I know Holden would have loved his grandparents.  I see the love they shower upon his siblings and my heart aches knowing that he will not feel their hugs or kisses.  That is, until they meet again one day.    In the meantime, I know his Grandpa Russell is taking good care of him <3

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