My coworkers. For 10 years, I have worked among some of the most amazing people. I have seen moments that bring absolute joy and moments that make your heart sink. I have laughed, cried, worried and rejoiced among the best of the best. Sure there are moments where things don't always go as planned but when things get tough, everyone pulls together to get the job done. I have witnessed this many times especially when one of our own is involved.
I remember the look in my coworkers eyes when we discovered that Holden had no heartbeat. Shelly was with me trying to get the doppler to give us what we hoped for. Chris walked me over to OB saying it will be fine. I could tell they were trying to be strong for me. At one point, we thought that maybe we heard his heart and it was just slow. Two of my coworkers, Kim and Jess, rushed me into the bathroom and undressed me to get ready for what we thought would be an emergency c-section. But that plan was short lived when we had the ultrasound and it confirmed our fears. I was so wrapped up in my own emotions that I did not see the pain they were in at that time. I saw this later, when I would lay quietly in my room with my precious angel. I was trying to take in every moment for I knew they were soon going to end. I saw the forced smiles and red eyes. I saw them go through the motions but at a much more solemn pace. I felt them look at me with incredible sadness and frustration that they could not fix this. I know how they felt because I, too, had been in their shoes.
In May 2012, I came to work one morning and discovered that my dear friend and coworker Amy had lost her precious Jackson. I worked all day with a heavy heart knowing she was right down the hall living a nightmare. I was newly pregnant with Lydon and still healing from the loss of Ricky. That day and every day since, a little piece of my heart remains with her. I saw the sadness and confusion among my coworkers but we had to keep going. If I could have just sat down and cried and prayed for her, I would have done it all day. I would have ran to her bedside and rubbed her back while telling her that I was there for her. But the life of a nurse does not allow us to remain in these moments for long as there are others to care for.
When I was in the hospital, I had many of my coworkers come to my room. They hugged me, cried with me and even held my precious boy. I felt so proud to show him off yet a deep pain was injected into my heart knowing this was only temporary. Each and every one of the beautiful souls I work with has given me the gift of their love in many forms.
The OB nurses sat by my bed and cried with me and my family. Becky was with me through induction and the emergency c-section. She was the first nurse to care for my angel. Jess stayed by my side until Bill got to the hospital. Brenda sat and talked to my mom for hours. Barb sat and showed off Holden to my girls and answered all their questions. Emily found a pastor that blessed Holden for us. Kelly took me out the back door when I was released so I wouldn't have to face anyone. They all played a part in my care and I felt like they poured their heart into every moment with us. These women who have seen the happiest of moments and the saddest of moments gave me the best care possible. But what really stands out to me is the amazing care they gave Holden. I cannot imagine how difficult that must have been for them and yet I saw nothing but love in everything they did. My precious boy was in careful, loving hands from the moment he was born.
I can never truly express my gratitude to the amazing people I work with. During my leave and return to work, they have checked on me, allowed me to cry and acknowledge that my son did exist. They allow me to talk openly without judgment and encourage me to continue to heal. I am truly blessed to work among these angels on earth.
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